i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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