The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
