your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
