You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
