I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was confusing and full of hummus
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
