I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
