Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My vagina just recognized that song.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
