She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
