now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
