just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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