Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
