I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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