I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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