I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
