This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
