woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
so much tequila, so little girl.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
