i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
