His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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