What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
