Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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