The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
