when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
