Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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