And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
