i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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