It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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