I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
