On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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