Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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