Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
