So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
