Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
