alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
