I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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