The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
