the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
