Where is the hickey?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
