she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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