It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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