I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
