Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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