God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My dick has a subreddit
The Olympian is in my bed
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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