He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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