just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
