All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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