My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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