i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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