i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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