I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
