Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
