Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
