You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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