The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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